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Friday, May 20, 2011

When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Holy crap. I mean, really this is a miracle. I was just sitting here thinking how much alone time I've spent without a spouse the last month, and how much is yet to come over the next few weeks and I see this. I know I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. When I originally thought about starting this blog I was going to call it "The Married Church Widow" because although I am married I see my spouse not too often due to his job(s) and calling as Scoutmaster. I am still struggling with his calling and sometimes with the whole church thing, but this article really made me feel like I am not alone, and there are plenty of you moms out there that are just like me. I hope the following helps someone else as much as it has me.

Helping Married Mothers, Who Sometimes Feel Single
By: Self-Worth Analyst, Karen Eddington

Here are the top five problems facing single-married-mothers, and some solutions to help them cope.
Problem 1:   Exhaustion
Solution 1:  Know your fuel. One of the common struggles we all face is trying to replenish our physical, spiritual and emotional strength.  Do you know what gives you energy?  Every mother needs to find out for herself what her fuel is.  Some women use scrapbooking, others paint.  Some women simply need to read a story to her child and she finds strength, where others need to take a walk in the sunshine. 

Problem 2: Feeling alone
Solution 2: Be a scientist for a day.  Try and prove your negative thoughts wrong.  You may have used statements like: “I can’t do this.”   “I have no life”  “I am unfulfilled.” “I’m a bad mother.”  “I don’t matter.”  “I have to do it all.”  Look at these statements and try and prove them false.  Correct your thinking by saying things like, “I do matter.  I am vital in the lives of my children.  The daily tasks I do, matter. ”

Problem 3: Loss of Identity
Solution 3: Embrace self-creation.  When we change diapers, negotiate bedtime, clean gum out of hair, battle teen cell phone bills, or scrape crayon off walls we sometimes stop and think, “who am I?”  Mundane duties of parenthood can make us feel stuck and forget our favorites.  From the moment we are born until the moment we die we will have opportunities to create our identity and character.  In your life circumstances you can continually shape who you are and become what you want to be.

Problem 4:  Feeling Hopeless
Solution 4: Look forward. The feeling of despair is often associated with thoughts that, “this is never going to end.”  If you are feeling convinced that your problems are going to go on forever you can fight despair by recognizing this isn’t going to be forever.  Find things to look forward to.

Problem 5: Strain on marriage
Solution 5:  One-a-day. Even if your paths cross briefly through the day, if your spouse is deployed in the military, if your spouse travels for work, and especially when you are both tired find one thing you can do daily for your relationship.

Karen Eddington is an author, self-worth researcher and founder of a community program teaching women and teens to build a stronger self-esteem.

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